Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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