No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
