Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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