I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
