think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
