Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
