I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
