I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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