I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize