Me too!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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