I wish you could order shots online.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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