theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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