Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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