we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
