I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
