her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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