...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
