I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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