I wish I only lived at night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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