HIV tests are more positive than that guy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
