one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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