Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
