I puked a lego.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
MIDGETS
????
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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