Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
