dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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