Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
