benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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