Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
