...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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