I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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