and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Houston, we have a blender
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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