afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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