What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
