I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
