That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
