I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
