It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize