the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
