Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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