...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
True strength comes from lack of pants
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
