That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
