He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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