Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
