hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
