She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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