brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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