Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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