i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it penis luge time yet?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
