My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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