I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize