It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
