Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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