what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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