The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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