Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
