Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
